Authentic Thankfulness

This Thanksgiving Holiday I am feeling so grateful for the little small things the Lord has blessed me with today. Some days I have not felt that gratitude and I want more than what God has allotted me that day. Its in those times where I have learned to make the best of that day with what I have been given. Over the passed 3 months since I became aware I had injured my back I have come to realize the Lords hand more readily as I have tried to take care of my kids every day.

Here is what I have learned and I am grateful for:
1) There were multiple days I was in so much pain with my back that I dreaded putting Asher down to sleep. He is a fighter tooth and nail and I had no strength to hold him. I said a prayer asking for guidance and help and it was like Heavenly Father was speaking to me telling each step of how to get him calm and to go asleep.
2) My mother taught me since I was a child to trust the Lord in the decisions I make with my health. I prayed, and received guidance of the medical direction I needed to take. I know and understand and trust that doctors can help us but ultimately it is the Lord that can help us make the right decision. Since making this decision my back has improved although a slow process it had improved dramatically since the beginning.
3) Some days I did not know how I was going to to do my calling in Young Women's. Let alone support my husband in his new calling as Elders Quorum President. The very same week Michael got this calling I found out about my back. I don't know how I survived those nights on my own with the kids. But the Lord in his mercy calmed my kids and helped me just get through those nights. The Lord is still helping me with that.
4) Yesterday I pleaded with my doctor to let me do some form of exercise. He told me I could walk for 20 minutes and push a light stroller. I am thankful I am allowed to walk for exercising now.
5) There were days I needed a shoulder to cry on and it was like Heavenly Father knew I would need that and had planned someone to come be with me that day. I am grateful to those that have listened to the spirit and acted on those promptings. I learned specifically from one that when we provide service to others we allow God's love to touch that soul. To feel He heard my prayer and someone listened. Then when we accept of that service it was if I was accepting of God's love for me. That producing a grateful heart, a loving heart.
6) I am truly grateful for those Little Hugs and Kisses from my kids when I felt down and needed a lift.
7) I am grateful for priesthood blessings. I don't know how well I could handle life without the priesthood being a part of it.
8) Asher is better now but for quite some time he would not eat solids, which means getting up more frequently at night. My husband got up and toke care of him. That's not easy for him. But he did it for me and I am grateful to him for that.
9) I am not going to lie. I pretty much need chocolate everyday. When I feel like crud. This is my comfort food. I am grateful for chocolate.
10) I am grateful for general conference talks. They have literally carried me in my darkest hours. Recently the talk "Drawing Closer to God" 2013 by Elder Vinson has really comforted me. One quote in particular has helped me rely on the Savior during this trial:

A young boy was trying to smooth out the dirt area behind his house so he could play there with his cars. There was a large rock obstructing his work. The boy pushed and pulled with all his might, but no matter how hard he tried, the rock wouldn’t budge.

His father watched for a while, then came to his son and said, “You need to use all your strength to move a rock this large.”

The boy responded,

 “I have used all my strength!”

His father corrected him: “No you haven’t. You haven’t had my help yet!”

They then bent down together and moved the rock easily.

 The Lord really does help us when we seek Him and ask. There were days I tried doing it on my own. They were hard. They were painful both physically and spiritually. But the days I truly sought God's help, He was there for me. I have been feeling God's love for me more constantly than I have my entire life. He is aware of ours needs. He is aware of our struggles. Some days I have just wanted healing and He has given me strength to endure another day. His hands are in the details of my life. I don't see them every day but I am learning to look for them. I am learning to seek after Him. I am learning to seek His will and my purpose of what I need to accomplish on this earth. I don't know what He wants me to accomplish in the future. But today I know He just wants me to be grateful.

The Inner Child

I love my little boys. Today I find myself on a quest to find the inner child in me. So I spend probably 90% of my day playing referee to these crazy energetic balls of energy. Most of it spent trying to keep ethan from giving asher another black eye.....don't ask I am not telling you what he did. Well in my feeble attempt to keep this from happening I had ethan help me make brownies. I also put Pandora on....country music..the get down with it kind of music. So ethan is standing on the chair, stirring the brownie mix, and he is dancing. Like I am not just talking a little bounce like my husband likes to call dancing....ok actually when michael dances it looks like a flamingo bobbing his head and flapping its wings. Just don't ask him to dance in public please. Anyways ethan is getting down with it and has this huge grin on his face. All the sudden flash backs of when I was a kid and ahem...college dances came flashing through my head. I then realized I haven't been acting my true goofy self for a while now. Here is glimpse of what i was like as a child: I would burst out singing on our porch to some Broadway song I just made up and as soon as a car drove by I would act like nothing ever happened. I would dress my male dog up in girl clothes and put flowers in his hair and take pictures. That dog never bit me though. I am pretty sure I did pranks all the time because I remember one time it was my dad that put a rubber band around the nozzle of the sprayer in the kitchen sink. Well my mom turned it on and it sprayed her right in the face...and guess who was blamed for that? Me! There are some other things I did I am thinking  of but it's TMI. My family will know what I am referring to. College I really was no different. Ok I didn't sing Broadway down the side walk on Rexburg campus but I did love kareoke nights and I loved going dancing and pretty much saying the random funny things at 1 in the morning. Michael rarely stays up with me that late these days. That's when my roommates would start putting up the quote wall.

What is it about growing up that we hide that inner child in us. I am not talking about the childish behaviors but the characteristics that make up our personalities. Lately I have been dealing with a back injury. With 2 young boys this has been a really hard trial for me. I feel like when that goofy self wants to shine its ruby face I pull back into my shell like I am in survival mood. I look at others who are dealing with sicknesses that threaten there life and I see most the time they are happy even through the trial. I love seeing that example. It helps me be content with what is going on in my life no matter the difficulty. Well today I am challenging to say those things that randomly pop in my head and do that dance that makes everyone feel uncomfortable because they want to but don't have the guts to do it in public. No I am not going to embarrass myself nor I am going to act like a child. I am however going to let my personality shine. Not going to hold back because others around me are more serious or stressed out being adults. I have a strong feeling that's this is one of those things Heavenly Father wants me to do because in it I will be able to open the doors of the spirit more readily in my life. He wants us to become as a little child. Not to act like children but to be who He already knows we are. We all have different personalities for a reason. Let them shine. Let them be used to make others happy, Care for the sick,  lift up the broken hearted and on and on. So to start here is a picture of my personality. Yes they are rubber ducky and yes they are comfy. Now do you wish you had a pair?