Blessings

Watch this video and then I have some thoughts afterward. 

Laura Story- Blessings

For the majority of my life I have always looked at the word "blessings" as something fortunate, good that happens to me, or an escape from the pains/evils of this world.  Lately, I have come to realize that the hard times that we go through, the bad news we receive are just as much blessings as the good things that happen to us.

When you are in the middle of going through your trials (or after in hindsight) stopped  to think how much more closer you are to Lord because of them? Did you see the 'blessings' of a loving Heavenly Father that wants you to grow to the potential He knows you can become? We ask for healing, for things to be made right but it seems like He is silent. Or you hear Him say what you did not want to hear, "there will be more pain for a while but you can get through this, I will be by your side. Don't lose faith in me, hold on a little while longer."

It is in those moments when I feel like I cannot hold on any longer, but then I stop and see how much more He really does love me. The lessons He is teaching me through each trial is really important to learn. If you endure just a little while longer you will see mercy and grace; it will be beautiful and bright. Or that the raindrops really are blessings in disguise. Nothing in this world can satisfy the cravings your soul yearns for to thrive and be happy.

There are times I have doubted His goodness. I have doubted He will fulfill every promise He has made to me. The longer we have to wait for something the more precious it becomes. I am far from perfect at recognizing the Lord's goodness to me. All I know is that He has been with me every step of the rocky way. His hand is ever present, constantly helping me pull my load.

So if you are feeling there is no more hope left in you, or no healing balm in Gilead, or your pain really doesn't matter to Him, or  He just wants you to keep suffering. KNOW THIS, at that point of desperation is when He is the actually closest to you.  He is not distant but close.  Let go of the doubt and reach out to Him. Take His hand and let Him ease the burden you are feeling. Believe even if all your feelings tell you otherwise. 

I still am trying to see the blessings in my raindrops. I do know so far they have taught me compassion and patience. More importantly I have learned to not rely on my own two hands but to rely completely on him. He will place the people in your path and change the circumstances to help us get through those hard times.

Here is a separate account of someone's life illustrating how close the help is at the point of feeling abandoned. 

 

"I have pulled my handcart when I was so weak and weary from illness and lack of food that I could hardly put one foot ahead of the other. I have looked ahead and seen a patch of sand or a hill slope and I have said, I can go only that far and there I must give up, for I cannot pull the load through it. ... I have gone on to that sand and when I reached it, the cart began pushing me. I have looked back many times to see who was pushing my cart, but my eyes saw no one. I knew then that the angels of God were there.

"Was I sorry that I chose to come by handcart? No. Neither then nor any minute of my life since. The price we paid to become acquainted with God was a privilege to pay, and I am thankful that I was privileged to come in the Martin Handcart Company." (http://www.moroni10.com/mormon_history/martin-handcart-pioneer.html)

The Truth

     Today I find myself on a raging whirl of emotions being tossed around like a ship thrown from one enormous wave to the next.  I wanted to work my body so hard today. I wanted to run all those pains out of my body that seem to linger. But today brought confusion and frustration.  It brought emotions of fear and a heart break of all I had accomplished in this life. The person I have become. My identity I had built inside myself. I felt shattered and torn. I am not the person I thought I was anymore. I am not strong. I now feel lost in a tempest not knowing how to calm the sea and bring peace back into my heart. It is raging within me and I feel the urge to let go and be free yet something holds me back, its hold me down, it won't let me free.

     I feel these things so deep today, yet inside of me knows truth, it knows light, and it knows the redeeming power of the Atonement it longs and craves for. That light tells me not to listen to the tempest which tells me those things that are not true. The light tells me I am great, I am noble, I am worth it. I am worth saving and I am worth loving.

    The darkness tries to steal that light from me when I feel weak and feeble. It tries to play on my deepest fears making them seem real when in actuality they are figments of my imagination. It tries to tell me that I am not worth saving. That I will never amount to anything in this life. That I won't become that person I was meant to come here to be.

    I know I am not the only one that has ever felt these feelings before. I know each and every one of us has a fear, a temptation, a weakness that Satan plays on constantly. Whatever that may be and whatever form it comes in, I know that I can combat it. I know that I am never alone. I know that when everything else seems like its falling apart around me, I always have the Savior to lift me up.

   Some days I lull in negative thoughts and it drags me down. And some days I have strength to tell those thoughts to take a hiatus and I replace them with words of God. I feast on the scriptures and I make my relationship with my Heavenly Father so real and so close. He tells me my worth, not the world, not anyone else. He tells me my capabilities and my strengths. He tells me how to find answers to my problems. He tells me that He sent His Son because He LOVES ME and HE WANTS ME TO RETURN TO HIM. I am a daughter of the most glorious being in the universe. He wants the best for me. He doesn't want me to suffer. He is sad when I am grieving and in in pain. He longs to hold me and comfort me and tell me "it will be ok." He is there for me. He puts His arms around me and fills me with His love. He guides and directs me and will never leave me as long as I don't leave Him.

     He knew it would be rough and there would be days of frustration but with a perfect love He sent a Savior, Jesus Christ. He gave Him a mission to fulfill which would take every ounce of strength out of Him. And with that mission he would bleed from every pore, be whipped, beaten, spit upon, hated, and endure excruciating pain of being hung on the cross. My heart is grieved that someone would do that for me, yet with that sorrow my heart is filled with love. That love for the Savior gives me courage and hope that I do not have to go through my trials alone. I can turn to my Savior for help and I can receive comfort. I can be forgiven. And I can be made whole again. I can be made whole from sin, and I can be made whole from pain. Everything that we have endured that does not seem fair can be made right if not in this world then in the world to come. I know that Jesus Christ is real. He died for me. He sacrificed His life for me. I love Him and I will forever praise and honor His name.

 

I Believe in You

I have had an impression to share some thoughts that have come to me numerous times. Sadly, I have been putting it on the back burner. I don't know why but I feel so weak in this area. I feel like if I don't share these thoughts I will regret it. I have had a lot of introspection these past 7 months while I have been trying everything in my power to heal. There have been some really dark and lonely days when pain consumes you which sometimes makes it hard to reach heavenward. It can be very hard to open your heart to others when this happens.

A goal I have been trying so hard to do lately is open my hearts to those that just need a little upliftment, those who just need to feel a little love to keep them going. I have needed this on so many levels. In many instances, I felt very isolated and unable to feel that. These emotions are just so hard to explain. My body has limited me in so many of the basic things from which I have learned a lot about compassion through this. I set a goal to open my heart more to others. It comes from the book "A Heart Like His" by Virginia H. Pearce.

Well things keep getting limited to me to the point where getting out with the boys was not going to be an option for me until my body was strong and healed enough. So that's when things started feeling dark in life again. When you want to serve and your body restricts you, it bites! So one evening Michael and I decided to watch a show on Netflix. We were not expecting it to be so good, but it was. Its called "The Letter Writer."The video talks about giving people hope and feeling love and expressing it in a way that gives them encouragement to keep going. My favorite lines are in the chorus "Angels are hiding in the motions of humans. Angels are around to help us all. We are angels hiding in the bones of humans. Helping all these miracles along."  Here's a video of her singing it:

You're a flower blooming in the new dawn
The colors around the setting sun
A candle in the dark
And you're every sailors beacon on the shore
You're every perfect metaphor
There's a culminating action of us all
Sometimes there are miracles
And our hands do the job
For every action you move these thing along
Everything you do moves these along
Angels are hiding in the motions of humans
Angels are around to help us all
We are angels hiding in the bones of humans
Helping all these miracles along
There's a golden key that opens any lock
The path to get the thing you want
Is never really blocked
And you're every persons' escort to the door
And every other person is yours
Every other person is yours
Angels are hiding in the motions of humans
Angels are around to help us all
We are angels hiding in the bones of humans
Helping all these miracles along
Along.

credits

from The Letter Writer (Songs From The Motion Picture), track released 24 November 2011

There have been many "angels" whether they knew it or not that have given me a glimmer of hope to keep going.. I still have angels helping me right now. I have had to pray fervently to know who to ask help from, but the Lord answered my prayer even if it took months to find it. I don't think we realize the impact we can have on others. But it does require us to open our hearts and cast away any fears that we may have. We all are angels here to help each other out. Don't be afraid to reach out to others. We all have talents to help others, tap into them, and grow with them.

After watching this movie I felt this enormous excitement to write a letter to someone. So I did. I really did not know her well, but I felt prompted to write amazing things I have already seen in her already. The first attempt to give it to her...well I was super super nervous. She looked a little down. But I did give to her and immediately I saw the light of glimmer come back. I have no clue what was going on in her life; all I knew is God helped me write that letter and she was happier. I have been doing this more and more lately. I usually feel strong promptings to do this when I have been feeling down. I write and for some reason my burdens are lifted.

 One time I was writing one and no words came. I then realized I need to write one to myself. I wrote all the goods things I could even though I was not feeling they were so good at the time. I learned from this that we can point out all the many good things in others and not feel any good about ourselves. I sat with my patriarchal blessing and wrote all the goods things God had told me, my talents, my capabilities, etc. I wrote down as many compliments that I could remember someone giving me. It felt good afterwards. I realized I like to write and I like to see others happy. So this has been a good thing for me to do. It felt like I could do a small bit of service even when my body was holding me back from doing more.

 For many I feel like we are strong individuals. We know how to make sense of a tough situation and get through it. A lot of times though I feel like we could give a little more encouragement to others. I am sure the spirit helps us see good in others so that we can help them see it in themselves. So here is a simple challenge for you: If you have a GOOD THOUGHT about someone, SAY IT TO THEM, don't keep it to yourself. You have no clue how it will impact there life. And if you receive a compliment: ACCEPT IT and relish in it and BELIEVE IT! 

There is a line that rang true in the video I posted below and that is "There is a shortage in this world of I believe in you's and somebody out there needs some." We all will have trials in our lives. And in order to get through we may just need someone to say "I BELIEVE IN YOU." I have felt that confidence from my Heavenly Father. But when someone else tells me it just solidifies that he is hearing my prayers and he is sending angels to help me on my way.

Meet my boys!

Ethan And Asher

These 2 little guys...I Love Em! They make me laugh...they make me cry....they make me be over filled with joy.....they make me want to scream....they humble me.....and they also make me prideful (in a good way)...they make me paranoid......they make me pray harder than I ever have my whole life.......they drive me nuts....they help me to love and be patient. They are perfect little angels that teach this imperfect mother how to grow and be stronger. I am honored to be there mother. Would you like to meet these 2 little angels??

Ethan:

Well this picture says it all. Ethan loves to pick his own clothes, shoes, and accessories out. He loves hat's, the color blue.... he has to have his blue cup, blue bowl, blue car, anything that's blue he claims is "mine." His all time favorite shirt is his "airplane" shirt...honestly I think Michael had a talking with and convinced him that planes was the coolest thing ever.  His favorite foods are cheese, milk, apple sauce, smoothies, and his Flintstones vitamin gummie...surprisingly real gummies don't cut it.  Ethan loves to keep things clean like his daddy. He is very much a routine kid. Come home, put shoes and jacket in closet and then proceed to do other things....I give kudos to dad for teaching him that. He is always taking my shoes and putting them away. He loves helping out with the laundry and cooking in the kitchen. Recently he has LOVED reading books. Which makes me happy cause I get to teach him more words everyday.

(He loves me laying on his tiny bed and reading him stories, makes me feel special.)

(his blue cars all lined up)

He is a complete goof ball. He teases me when we play soccer outside...kicking the ball after asking me to. He loves tickling our toes till it drives us nuts. 

Since he was a baby everyone always noticed how observant he is. He always analyzed things and studied them out before trying anything new. He is keenly aware of others needs. He is super sensitive to others feelings and always tries to help out if he knows how to. When I cry he always comes over to give me a hug and kiss and makes sure I am ok. 

He loves his little brother. They love to do just about everything together. Ethan will always help me out when I ask him to get me something while taking care of Asher. I often find Ethan smothering Asher with hugs just because. I also find him taking toys Asher has quite often....but you always seem to find something else to give in replace even when brother just doesn't want that new toy. 

Ethan's facial expressions are so over dramatic. I love how he can tell me a story just by the expressions he is giving. If he could live outside I think he would, I mean what boy wouldn't.

Ethan being my first child has taught me diligence, consistency, and patience. He has taught me to give whole heartily my time and energy. He has taught me how to control my anger when things are not going how i want them to. Ethan helped me feel important and needed. He helped me see how much I can love and in respects how much my Heavenly Father loves me. He helps me remember how important it is to take care of my spiritual health. His seriousness helps me remember to never take for granted my relationship with my Heavenly Father.

Asher:

 

This is my boy Asher. This picture makes me smile. This boy makes me smile. What can I say this boy ALWAYS HAS A SMILE to share with you. He and his brother both have contagious laughs. Asher is a card. He likes to play. He LOVES to climb.

 He loves to do anything big brother can whether mom is ok with that or not. He is constantly stealing Ethan's sippy cups and drinking everything in it. My favorite lately is him climbing on something he probably should not be on and then standing and balancing himself on it and patting his chest like a gorilla. Kinda telling me, "ya mom I am the king of the hill." 

He LOVES forks!!!! Yikes I know but he always finds them or brother gets them for him. Asher still plugging away at only 2 teeth is a bit of a hand full to feed. He is picky about what he does want but when he does eat its never the same thing he chows down on except for cheese. Asher is definitely an explorer. If the baby gate is not up or door shut to the bathroom he is gone. And he is fast! This boy I am banking on our er visits will be mostly from him. He is tough though. When he falls its split second and he is off to the next thing without even a cry. His personality is very stubborn though. Which can be good and bad as you use it wisely. I think its a cute thing, when he does get mad he usually throws himself on the floor... if we are holding him he throws himself back. Hold on when that happens!

Asher has shown me how to be happy in the small things this life gives us. He has helped me see the joy each new day can bring. Asher has taught me that if I don't take care of myself first I will not have the energy to do my best to take care of him. I have to make my health important. He has taught me to be flexible with my schedule and be ok if he doesn't want to eat right now or sleep right now even if that's the time I want him to do it. Asher has taught me how to love who I am despite my weaknesses. His laugh and smile is the driving force that makes me want to give it another 'go' today.

Better than a Hallelujah

  Tomorrow is the last day of 2013 and I seriously have mixed emotions about this passed year. I had a lot of expectations and dreams. Some of which happened and some that just plain old got halted to a stop. I looked at my goals I wanted to accomplish and I really was on track at achieving them and then life happened. The epic doom of mortality. I have spent the passed 4 years supporting my husband in school and finally it was my time to do a little for myself. And then when I was at my peak, BAM! Here's another trial! I know many people go through this. I just have been needing to vent a little. Its hard talking to people about your struggles so I guess I am using this blog right now to help me emotionally heal by writing it out.
   I have tried my best to stay positive through this back injury but when you don't know how fast you will heal nor have the emotional support from friends close by it really wears on you. I am learning a lot through it though. I am learning what it means to truly show love to others. I am learning never to stand on the side road when someone says they don't need help. I am learning everyone is different in how they need help and that I need to pray for ways to know how to help them even when they say no. The spirit will always in the right time inspire you to do something for them and when that time comes never let it pass by.
  I am learning that when we serve others we allow God's love to touch there soul, we allow their prayers to be answered, we allow the gospel to be seen in action through the love others share with us. I am learning to have so much more compassion for others. I never fully understand what others are going through so it is never my place to judge how they are doing with it. I have never regretted a trial I have gone through although some days I just wished for a miracle. I am learning to open my heart even when I just don't want to. When I do that I have found the comfort I was seeking for that day.
 I am learning to trust in the Lord's plan and will for me. This year as I make my new goals I am going to keep in mind that when hard time's do come that I won't let it get me down and make me feel like I failed. I am going to keep in mind the Lord's lessons he wants me to learn. This video hit home to me. It pretty much sums up this passed year. Thank you God for teaching it to me.

videos and pictures

Asher's bear crawl!

New table from grandma and grandpa Cammack! Dad showing ethan how to properly eat cereal Christmas morning.

Christmas Love

This Christmas season in all the hustle and bustle don't forget what the true meaning of Christmas is all about. Let us look to others in whatever circumstance they are in whether it be hungry, poor, grieving, dealing with a physical trial, depressed, ect. and give of of yourself in whatever way you chose. Give of your heart to the Savior that of which you have been holding back. Give of your love to others. I promise it will be the best gift you can give or receive. It is something that will be close to your heart and you will remember for years to come. I know the Lord will look down on you and smile for the service you rendered.