Thursday, February 28, 2013

If I Only Had Today

 


I put together this video to remember the fun times our family has had since Michael and I met. Each picture has a story behind it that mean a lot to us. Take the time to tell those you love how you feel about them. Take the time to listen and truly be 'present' when you are with them. Don't let your mind get distracted with fruitless things. Live in the moment. You never know if tomorrow they won't be there. Michael was told right before his mission from a good friends father to "collect a bag full of memories."  Each of these pictures brings a heart full of memories that if I could I would live each day again, even the hard ones. I am so grateful my family is sealed in the temple. I know as we help each other along we will have the wondrous gift of eternal life. That we will be able to live with each other for eternity, creating even more memories there. I love my family so much! I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful husband and kids. If I only had today I definitely would just be with my family, loving them, talking to them, taking care of them...I do this everyday and for that fact I wouldn't want anything else exciting to do. If you only had today, what would you do?

Monday, January 28, 2013

Trials

       I have been trying to figure out a new post for a while now and well nothing really has been coming to mind. See I have been trying to keep my posts as positive as I can to bring upliftment to others that may need it. Lately life has been full of challenges both mentally and physically for, oh, I don't know the passed year for me. So while I have been posting things positive, they really haven't been specifically about myself. I have realized  as of late that the best "therapy" or "pill" is being honest with who you are no matter what farmer joe may think down the road.  I am also a skeptic about putting things out there on the internet so this is actually a big step for me. I do hope that sharing my thoughts will be of benefit to someone else in its own special way.
      I look back the passed year and I realized Heavenly Father gave me some hard trials. I don't know why they came about the way they did but I know I have grown immensely from them. Here is my story. The 2nd semester of Michael's grad school got really intense. To the point I hardly ever saw him even when he was home. We both had callings we were faithfully fulfilling. And some very hard news of a death in the family and a tragic incidence of another family member. You mix that with a little boy you NEVER slept through the night till he was 14 months old and you can say I was exhausted. Actually exhausted is an understatement. I honestly can't remember everything that played out together or even how it all happened, but I guess I just got to the point I was so depressed with life and everything in it. This is actually something very new to me because I had never been that depressed in my whole life. Even when I had really hard times in the mission I never got that depressed. I remember even getting one of those awards in Girls Camp for being "the most bubbly." I am a very happy person and to go through that was just so hard for me, especially when I have the most wonderful husband and child to tend and take care of. It was hard for me to grasp that I had no control over what I was feeling or how much pain my body was feeling from it. I just had to get through it. Keep reading my scriptures, praying, attending the temple, serving, and most importantly trusting the Lord that He will help me overcome those feelings. It was especially hard knowing and being told I was being obedient to God and realizing I couldn't get myself out of feeling that way. I found outlets and eventually I overcame those feelings even though some days those feelings come back I do my best to not let them happen.
      Well not much longer I found out I was pregnant with Asher. Ok, not the timing I was hoping for. Because that is when we would be moving AGAIN. Ok, sidenote: we moved just after Ethan was born too and lets just say I am going to to everything in my power not to have that happen again....right....like we can ever plan things like that. The pregnancy was just what it is. Some women can handle pregnancies great and more power to them but others like me just want to survive it and be done. When I hit 34 weeks I found I was already dilating. Which technically wouldn't be too bad but I had Ethan preterm so my doctor told me to stay down a few days and take it easy. Honestly, she hardly knew me, especially since Michael was in his last semester of grad school and we were planning on moving after he graduated. But I did, watched movies with Ethan ect. ect. I lasted 2 days and landed up in the hospital with a really bad infection and too many contractions. I spent a couple days in the hospital trying to get things under control and then was put on bed rest for the next week or so. I then continued having VERY painful contractions for 4 more weeks after that. These contractions felt like bone on bone. I carried him so low the whole pregnancy that these contractions I was feeling I couldn't even walk them off, I just had to lie in bed for an hour or two till they eased up. Fast forwarding.......labor was long when it finally came but I was very relieved to be done....or so I thought. I recovered well and what I mean by that is I didn't hemorrhage like I did with Ethan. I had absolutely no energy for weeks after I had Ethan but with Asher I was up and about pretty quick.
      So 2 weeks after I had Asher, the moving company came and packed what else I hadn't already packed up and started its trek to Washington. So we spent a week literally camping out in our apartment while Michael finished up his finals. We then got to Washington and ended up spending a week with family while we waited for our stuff to arrive. The truck hit every storm they said on its way here. In the meantime, we realized that in our new home the heater convienantly decided to stop working. So even if we wanted to go stay in our new home we couldn't. And with it being the Christmas season, once we got our belongings no one was in the office to come and fix the heater. So here we go to Colfax, Wa to spend Christmas with family while trying to get someone to get out and fix our heater before we got back. By this time, I was very glad to be with family but it had been 3 weeks with a newborn and a toddler. Michael and I both were exhausted. So we made it back home and got a lovely cold. So no sleep for mommy with all my coughing. I got a blessing and literally that night I slept like a baby. Yes, Heavenly Father is aware of the small things we ask for. After all this you think I was done right? No. I started realizing something was wrong with me. I was still having painful cramps and still bleeding. Honestly I didn't even know any better because of the hemorrhaging I had with Ethan and the contractions I had FOREVER it seemed with Asher. Mix all that with moving and the last thing I was thinking of was how i was feeling.I was just surviving. So here I go to the doctor and mind you with no insurance to figure it out. $1,000 dollars down the road for just a comprehensive check and ultrasound I found out I still had part of the placenta still inside of me. This is something you are supposed to get taken care of right away or you could get infection or start hemorrhaging. Needless to say we could not afford a $5-10,000 surgery to get a D&C done. So we weighed out options with the doctor and we had a lot in our favor and waited till we could get it figured out. The Lord blessed my body to hold on and Michael to get temporary insurance through his work. I am not going to lie it was extremely painful. My uterus got to the point it was rock hard and I was still taking care of our kids on my own. So a week and a half later I had the surgery. My amazing in-laws came and literally saved the day. My mother in law took me to get the surgery down and my father in law took care of Ethan and Asher. The surgery went well, I just bled a lot. Which if I did have energy this took more of it.
     I am doing great now just trying to deal with all the emotion behind it all. When you feel like you need a break and the next thing is another trial, life can get so bleak. Through it all I am now realizing that yes, the Lord does only give us what we can handle. But He also doesn't have us go through it alone. I had an amazing family, husband, and friends give me the support I was needing. I realized I needed to let them know what I was going through and not worrying if I was going to burden them by sharing what I was going through. We also had a great ward we moved into and although I have only been able to go a few times I have already felt there love and friendship. Its great to feel that from others even when they don't know all the details of your life. I have learned to trust others too in sharing the things I am going through and not worrying if they think I am complaining.
    Something I have had a hard time seeing is that people can be answers to our prayers. It may sound really bad but I have felt in the passed where I prayed for someone to come and help me with a need I was having and no one came. Truly and especially in Georgia, I know Heavenly Father heard my prayer and sent a new family into the ward that really meet that need for me. It just felt like everything I prayed for that I needed was met by having them in our life. I needed someone to talk to and she was there. I needed someone to help me with Ethan and she was there. I also came to realize that maybe those times when i felt like my prayer wasn't answered was because maybe I needed to get outside myself and serve. In that I may have been able to feel the comfort I was seeking to find myself.
    Everyone has challenges and struggles. We feel and handle things differently from one another. What may seem easy for someone handle may be extremely hard for someone else. I have learned from my own struggles never to judge someone else’s hardship as a thing of naught because unless you are in there shoes you will never fully grasp the heartache or pain they are going through.
    The scripture that stands out to me as I look back is this: “Behold, verily, verily, I say unto you that mine eyes are upon you. I am in your midst and ye cannot see me” (D&C 38:7). So many times, especially in my darkest hour, I have felt that Heavenly Father was there standing right by me but I just could not see Him. And at times that he was literally holding me, carrying me, and just helping me survive the night.
   I look back at all those trials one after the other and I am grateful. The sun is shining and I am looking forward to this new life here in Washington. Life is great and wondrous. I am looking forward to the new adventures that await or family. Trials make us stronger, that i do know. Trials make us who we are. I hope that with each trial I have, I can always look on them and see the things I have learned and grow from them. Its not easy when you are going through it. If the Lord expects me to become like him and through these trials I learn to do that then that is the way it needs to be. Until I finish the course I started in this life, I will continue to serve Him with all my might, mind and strength.

Friday, August 31, 2012

Just Laugh About It!

So the other day, I decided I was going to take a nap on the couch while Ethan played. Now before you think, "parental neglect"....I have to say I was dealing with a headache that I had for like 4 days straight. Now usually even if I think I am going to just sit and relax, it just doesn't happen. Anyone that has a highly energetic toddler knows what that's like. Well, I got my nap..I think it lasted a half hour!!! Yeah, go me right?! I am in heaven now right? Well lets just say I woke up to a not so pleasant smell, and a toddler beaming his adorable smile at me.......

      AND then I looked around...............................The music and video clipping going through my head at that moment was this:



Ya POOP EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! On the couch, on the floor, on the toys, on his legs, on his hands, in his hair!!!And since it was everywhere....it got on me too...cause what did he do to wake me up??? Jump all over me, right?

So since I painted such a beautiful picture.....you are probably wondering why I am telling you this. Well I learned something from the "poop fiasco." Hahaa like poop to teach you a life lesson, right?
Ok so the moral of this story is...you know CRAP can happen in life, LITERALLY! I see 2 choices  though either you can A) laugh about it or B) get mad. At the time I was soooo grumpy! But being grumpy didn't help my headache any, nor did it help the poop clean itself up! I do know that laughing about it would of eased the tension though. Laughter would have helped me get through the moment instead of showing off my colorful attitude Ethan witnessed me having.

I love these quotes:

"Laughter is an instant vacation"-Milton Berle

"Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects"-Arnold Glasow

"An optimist laughs to forget; a pessimist forgets to laugh" — Tom Nansbury

"And keep a sense of humor. It doesn’t mean you have to tell jokes. If you can’t think of anything else, when you’re my age, take off your clothes and walk in front of a mirror. I guarantee you’ll get a laugh" — Art Linkletter    (ok I am sorry but I laughed really hard when I read that)

"Laughter lets me relax. It’s the equivalent of taking a deep breath, letting it out and saying, ‘This, too, will pass’. — Odette Pollar

"Remember, when you're with me it's the only time that you're not the strangest person in the room. So go ahead, get weird on me"--
Ally McBeal  (hahah I love this wish more people acted how weird they reallly are...aren't we all weirdos?)


"If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans" --Woody Allen ( I am pretty sure God has laughed at some of the plans I have told Him)


"It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time. Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the power to choose either"--
Wayne Dyer




Dude there are too many good quotes on laughter. If you have a good quote that makes you laugh do share with me...I would love to hear what gets you laughing or keeps you sane!









Thursday, May 31, 2012

When your a Mother.........

Oh how life can change when your a mommy!

When your a mother, your alarm clock changes from a tiny metal machine to a crying baby.





When your a mother, hugs and kisses are an every HOUR occurrence just cause mom asks for it that much!


When your a mother, you become proficient at changing a diaper in the dark.


When your a mother, your purse has just became the diaper bag..just cause everything fits in it SO well.
         

When your a mother, SLEEP..........what's that????????? 4 HOURS in a row!!!!! Ahhhhhhh! 

 When your a mother, eating first becomes eating last with nibbles from the child still wanting what you are eating.



When your a mother, anything is funny especially when it gets daddy dancing






When your a mother, long, hot, steamy showers become quick, but warm, no fog on the mirrors showers.




When your a mother, your free time is spent making funny noises and faces come out of a little stuffed animal.







When your a mother, cartoons become such a hit to you and you tend to sing or quote them ALL day long.



When your a mother, your reflexes become super duper quick....like catching the toy he throws over the isle of people at church..(yup still working on that).



When your a mother, nap time......well that's when you either 1)sleep yourself  2) write a blog  or 3) catch up on housework...ehhh I choose the latter!





When your a mother, you stand up from the couch and realize there's an orange stuck to your butt, a present just left from your toddler...mind you this did JUST happen.


When your a mother, life gets more hectic but more blissful because every moment you get to spend time with an amazing, loving, little boy!

I love being a mom and yes I do enjoy time to myself but I enjoy being with my little boy even more! He helps me be better than I already am. I really can't imagine life without him now. I love that he can get me to smile just by looking at me. I love learning about his personality. I am so grateful that Heavenly Father has trusted me enough to take care of him, love him, and teach him how to return back to live with Him again. I am not perfect at it, I lose my patience, but I am trying my best and that's what counts.


Tuesday, May 15, 2012

My Husband!

I don't think I say it enough, but I see it everyday. I see it by the words he says, the actions he takes, and the love he expresses. He is kind, gentle, and always has the most uplifting words to say to me, even when I am truly being a grouch to him. The days I clearly have had it rough, where there are dishes in the sink, clothes everywhere, crumbs galore all over the floor. He doesn't gripe or even complain. Just merely gets to work helping me put it all back in order. Even sending me to have some time to myself while he picks the mess back up. He knows when to make me laugh and when to just give me a shoulder to cry on. He knows exactly what to say when I need to hear it, the reason for that is he follows the spirit not his manly intuition. He truly has had to dig deep within the spirit these past months to help me come to myself, to be the person I once was. I am truly grateful he did not give up on me. I have never felt him judge me harshly, just lovingly picked me up and said the things of his heart to help me. His goal is to treat me like his Queen everyday and everyday I see and feel it more and more. That's my husband and I am truly grateful and lucky to be with him for eternity!

Love this man!
making me laugh REAL big!
 We are dancing, doing my favorite thing...he is REALLY concentrating and I am goofing off as usual!
A little smooch, smooch!
This was the first day we laid eye's on each other, absolutely smitten with each other but not really wanting to show it.....don't think that it worked!

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Lessons I learned from my Mother

    I was thinking lately how I want to raise to my children, and well an experience came to my mind that I had with my mother when I was around 12 or 13 years old. Now we all know those are the years we are the most influenced by our peers. Now my group of friends were not exactly a bad influence on me, its just my mom held higher standards for her daughters and she expected we live up to them. Well, my friends wanted me to go to see the movie "Titanic" with them. I begged and pleaded with my mom, telling her "I am a mature teenager I can handle anything that was in it". It really was to the point where I had told me friends that I couldn't go and well they just could not understand why my mom was being so strict. Some of my friends even had there parents go with them to one of the others showings of it already. So naturally, I thought it can't be that bad if parents are taking there own kids to it. Well my mom finally gave in and let me go, but not before she told me she wanted to talk about the movie afterward with me. So I was free! I went to the movie and enjoyed it, clear up until that ONE part.......and lets just say I finally realized what my mom was trying to teach me. I felt the spirit leave at that point of the movie and I felt dirty.
     After the movie, mom sat with me and we talked about the movie. To be honest I can not remember what we talked about but I learned a great lesson from the experience. Looking at the way my mom was teaching me, I realized that she was teaching me how to use my agency correctly in order to not make the same mistakes again. I think the hardest thing we could ever do is willing let our children make mistakes when we already know the consequences that would follow.
     I really look up to my mom and love her for all the many things she has taught me growing up. My mom was a convert to the church, joining at age 17. When she joined the church she was really left with no friends because of the choice she made to devote her life to living the gospel of Jesus Christ. She learned the standards of the church and she taught them to her daughters and never wavered from that truth. I love my mom and am so grateful I had such a great woman to nurture, teach, and love me. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever live up to her example, but I know that if I keep my roots grounded deep in the gospel, like she did, that I can not fail. Thank you mom for everything , I love you!





Monday, April 30, 2012

Bucket List

My Bucket List

1).  Go on a mission with my husband.
2).  Raise a Blue and Gold Macaw.
3). Go back to South Africa/Namibia and tour
4). Ballroom dance in a beautiful castle in the most exquisite gown all night long with my husband whom has mastered the steps.
5). Stand in a pure, clear waterfall and let the water penetrate my skin and then jump in that pool of water and then go swimming.
6). Complete a half marathon and donate the funds to a Cancer foundation.
7). Learn to jump horseback.
8). Learn to scuba dive and take a dive in the Great Barrier Reef.
9). Get my Veterinary Technician Certificate.
10). Walk across these bridges:
 Sundial Bridge in Redding, California
Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, California
 Sydney Harbour Bridge in Sydney, Australia..... and I so am doing the Bridge Walk
Millau Viaduct in France
Kintai Bridge in Iwakuni, Japan, 
Tower Bridge in London, England, 
Rialto Bridge in Venice, Italy
.................................so these are probably not all but the goal is to go across as many bridges as possible that have great architecture and if you know of any great bridges do share!!